The Results

For those of you who have done IVF, you know what the last three weeks has felt like to me. It's very stressful and its a constant worry, and waiting, and wondering. And then internally, you are trying to have hope and faith, but also protect yourself in case your expectations aren't met.
And no matter how hard you try to focus on other things (like the upcoming Christmas holidays) , in the back your mind, you have a weight tugging on your heart and mind and body....
and you feel like you are literally holding your breath for a few weeks...and then there's the emotional part of it....when you just can't take any more and you break down a cry for a few minutes....then your back on your feet again ready to face it all over.

Last Sunday was our big day to go back to the doctor to get my blood drawn and to find out if I was pregnant. They drew my blood at 8:45 am and then we headed home. Bryce and I paced the floor while we waited and waited and waited for the phone call. The call finally came in at 11:30. Our nurse, Heidi, proceeds to tell me that they like to see HCG levels be around 100, but that mine was at 67. She told me that I was pregnant and not to be discouraged. She said that they thought it might be the beginning of a pregnancy and that I needed to go get blood work done again in 48 hours.

Bryce and I really struggled for half the day. We weren't sure how we should be feeling...happy or sad....joyful or worried.....excited or cautious. We decided later that day that we would try to be positive and have faith. We called our family and told them the news. Everyone was excited. We told Clayton and Cooper and they seemed to be happy. The nurse told us we were pregnant, so that was something that needed to be celebrated.

This past Tuesday, December the 20th, I went to McKay Dee Hospital to get my blood work done. I was pretty antsy while waiting for the results. We were told we would know by noon, but I never received a call, so I called the doctor at 1:30....."I am sorry Jennifer, but I have bad news for you. Your numbers dropped to 30, so something is wrong with the pregnancy. Continue to take your meds and go get your blood drawn again in 2 days, just to make sure."

Well, I was literally shocked. That was completely opposite of the news "I knew" I was going to hear that day. It really rocked my world. I expected that everything would be fine and that nothing would go wrong. When you have these "expectations" that build for weeks and weeks, it is hard to pick yourself up after those expectations have been destroyed.

I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for our family and I really hope that that plan includes more children. I really feel like Bryce and I will be blessed with another child, its just going to have to happen a different way. These past 10 years, we have tried every option, and with this last IVF, we have done everything possible to try to get pregnant. Its out our hands now and we can completely turn it over to the Lord. He will direct our paths and give us the peace and comfort that we need. I don't always understand why certain things happen in this life, but I know that they happen for a reason. Heavenly Father is all-knowing and he has a certain time line for things that happen. Our family has received many blessings and I know Heavenly Father will continue to pour out more blessings on our family. We have the two most amazing boys and we have been blessed with the greatest family and friends on this Earth. Thank you to all of our friends and family who have loved and supported us this past year. We wouldn't be where we are without each of you!