IFV Round #3

After I got home from being in Texas over the Christmas holiday, I started about thinking about trying to have another baby.  In August, I was talking to Paul about faith and some things that I was struggling with as far as our failed attempt at the frozen cycle of IVF.  We had briefly talked about trying IFV again.

At that time, I received a blessing and felt that I should just have patience and continue to serve those around me, as well as my family.  I felt like I didn’t need to be in a rush to have another baby.  

Anyway, in January, Bryce and I started talking about the possibility of doing IVF again. We talked about the Lords will, about the fact that I am not getting any younger.  As, I have tossed the idea around in my head, I have had many thoughts on the subject.  

First, I have voiced that sometimes its hard to get an answer as to when we should be doing a specific thing.  I have felt that sometimes the anticipation and excitement about the event over powers the answer that I am seeking to find.  

Second, I also have gone back in forth in mind as far as worldly things go. I feel like we are set.  We are financially stable.  We have two independent boys.  We can come and go as we please.  We can do our four wheeling with just the two boys.  We are done with the diaper, bottle, and binky stages. But then, I see how cute my boys are, and I think to myself…we could have another cute baby boy or girl.  We adore our kids, so why wouldn’t we want more.

As I have struggled with these thoughts, I have also thought a lot about the Lords timing in everything.  I know that it plays a huge part in life.  I also feel like things tend to fall into the right timing as well.  I also feel like having a child is a righteous desire and any time we are trying to do some righteous, we will be blessed.

I also know that I learned and grew a lot from the last IFV cycle.  It really tore me to pieces internally and emotionally, but because I was able to rebuild and gain a higher understanding of why things happen, I am a much better person today.  I have learned more about the love that our Father in Heaven has for us.

While I was in Texas, Sherrie gave me a CD by Mercy River and she told me that there was a song on it for me.  Here are some of the words to that song:

We pray for blessings; we pray for peace; comfort for family; protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for Your mighty Hand to ease our suffering.

And all the while, You hear each spoken need.  Your love is way too much to give us lesser things. Cause what if your blessings come from raindrops? What if Your healing comes thru tears? And, what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know Your near? And what if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise?

For about a month, I have thought a lot about what to do.  I have wrestled with thoughts of whether to have another child or not. …but, I would say that many of those thoughts were worldly thoughts. Originally, I was thinking August or September, but when I mentioned it to Bryce, he thought we should start trying as soon as May or June.

I decided it was time to turn it over to the Lord and ask him what he wanted us to do.  I just asked him in prayer if He would give me some sort of answer or inspiration to whether we should proceed forth with the IVF. The very next morning, I got Cooper off to school and I started my scripture study. 

I decided to study the next Sunday school lesson, which so happened to be, “The Spirit of Revelation.” The first question said, “What can we do to study out a question in our own minds?” I answered on paper: read the scriptures, search it out in our minds, and meditate.

Second question: “Why should we study and ponder the scriptures when we seek revelation?”  My answer: Because the scriptures are words from prophets and from Jesus Christ that are for us in this day.

Next, I was told to read D&C 25:10. This passage hit me so powerfully and it reads: “And verily I say unto thee that thou shalt lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better.” Wow.  Did I read that correctly? I read it again.  It was an answer to my prayers and to all the confusion that was going in my mind for the last month. The study guide then asks, “Why is it important to focus on “the things of the (God) “rather than “the things of the earth” as we seek revelation?” My answer was immediate and I wrote the first thing that came into my head, because things of God are eternal, not temporary!

That pretty much sums it up for me.  Children are eternal.  All those other worries and thoughts were of the world.  And I have decided that whether or not we get pregnant with this IVF, I will be blessed.  I have seen and felt the blessings that came through the previous trial of the failed frozen cycle, and if I have to go through that again to grow closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior, then it will be worth it.  Either way, I will be blessed eternally!